Not For You
by Deadly Beauty
Summary: 'Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had' 18 discovers a darker side to Krillen, but when she confronts him about about it, something unexpected occurs.


Disclaimer; Yeah, I wish I owned it. But I don't, oh well, a girl can always dream right?

A/N; Hi everyone, I'm back again with a new one-shotter. I'm, a little nervous about posting this since I've never written anything like this before, so please be sure to tell me what you think of it. Of course it's a K/18. Well that's about it for now, so enjoy. ~Deadly Beauty

Not For You

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Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you hadn't? _Or saying nothing and wishing you had?_

Well obviously saying nothing.

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I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.

Damn straight

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Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

I think the appropriate phrase here would be 'I was to afraid to let me'.

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Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

Duh! Stupid quotes, who think these things up anyways.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid! That's it, that what I am. A stupid loser with nothing left to live for. I don't know why I even bother.

Her eyes curiously leapt over the page as she read and re-read the same few lines over. Was this really how he felt? No, it couldn't be, he was always so happy and cheerful, he just couldn't have morbid thought like this floating around in his head.

Running her hands over the smooth paper she sighed. The first few lines were written nicely enough in red pen. But the last sentence, beginning with stupid, was written in big messy letters with a red marker. If he really felt like this, then he needed some serious help. And if it weren't for the fact that she was snooping around his bedroom, she never would have known!

She knew she shouldn't read on, these were some of his most private thoughts and she was invading them, he would never do that to her. Never, not in a million years. Yet she had already begun, and she just had to continue now.

It was back to nice writing again now, written with a red ballpoint pen.

You know what? Right about now I am totally ready to die. I wanna wish back cell and die at his hands. To die the same way Goku did, but that wouldn't be right of me. So many people, so many people that I could do nothing to help! All because I am a stupid weak human, I'm no Vegeta or Piccolo, I don't know how I managed to survive with them around all these years. God knows I don't deserve to survive around them.

A deep scowl settled on 18's uneasy face. This was very disturbing, she was seeing Krillen in a whole new light, and she didn't like it one little bit, but something was compelling her to read on. Maybe it was the thought in the back of her mind that if she read on enough she would be able to help him. Flipping the page of the small black book she read on.

And then there's her! Dammit, she does it to me every time and I hate it. I hate that I love her so much. Every time I see her my heart beats faster. I've tried to tell myself that it's just infatuation and that I'll get over her, but it's been 8 months now and I just keep loving her more.

But it's all in vein, for she doesn't feel that same at all. All my attempts to start conversations are shot down. And do you think I've ever gotten a thank-you for a single nice thing I've done for her?

But my love just won't go away!

If only I was a better person, maybe then she would like me. But I don't have the rugged looks of Yumcha; hell I have no looks at all. Or the brute strength of Vegeta. Or the wisdom of Piccolo. And Goku, well I can't pick out just one good thing about him, but if I could, I wouldn't have it.

As far as it goes this planet has no need for me, I am just a waste of space that nobody wants to know and has no time to love

As I said before. I want to die.

Not like anybody would miss me anyway.

She flipped the page, but it was blank. That was all there was. 18 breathed a sigh of relief; she didn't know how much more she could take. Many thoughts were flooding her head, could she have really been this oblivious to Krillen? And did he really think of her that way. She didn't try to be cold hearted towards him, it was just who she was. Plain and simple.

Suddenly she had an idea, pulling open the bedside draw she found a blue pen, and as soon as it touched the paper, the words were flowing freely from her mind. She wasn't stoping to analyse what she was writing, like she normally would. Just letting the words escape her head in their rawest form.

Krillen,

What in the hell are you doing thinking like this, its absurd, ridiculous, stupid. CELL! Are you insane? I don't care what the hell is going on inside that brain of yours I don't want you considering that for even a single second. Is that clear?

And besides, there are lots and lots of people who would miss you a lot. You shouldn't think that you are a waste of space Krillen, you are as important as anyone else, whether they are more powerful than you or not.

Where is it along the line that you lost so much self-confidence in yourself? Why do you regard yourself lower than bugs?

And why do you think I hate you so much? If I don't talk to you every single day, or I don't thank you, you need to realise that that's just the type of person I am. I don't think you should get mad at me just because you see things in a totally different light to me.

Krillen please stop thinking about your-self this way. It's not healthy

#18

Shutting the book, she placed it carefully back in the draw and crept out the room. She felt horrible about what she had just done, but she also felt it necessary

***

"Ka-me-ha-me-ha!" the powerful blue sphere shot forward, then up and straight back down, destroying several nearby trees.

"Much better" he muttered to himself as he wiped his hands on his gi.

"Krillen, what the hell did you just do to my garden?" asked Yumcha as he came out the front door. Krillen turned around and rubbed the back of his head, grinning sheepishly.

"Ah, sorry. I guess I just got a little carried away, that's all".

Yumcha looked at his friends for a few seconds before he burst out laughing. "It's cool man, I've destroyed the back yard already, I didn't think it would last much longer out here". Krillen joined Yumcha in his laughing, it continued for almost 3 minutes.

Looking down at his watch, he groaned. It was getting late, he had to go home, had to go back to her. He didn't want to face her, it was just too hard to live in the same house as her, and love her so much and not be able to tell her. It was slowly killing him.

"Yumcha man, I gotta split. Same time next week ok" he said, and without even waiting for Yumcha to reply, he blasted off into the sky.

"Yeah, c'ya" said Yumcha as he turned and headed back into his house.

***

It was just past sunset when Krillen arrived back on the small island. The sky was beautiful shades of pinks and oranges that only came out at dusk, and for a brief moment, Krillen's world felt all right.

Then he saw her. 18, in all her amazing glory. She was on the front porch, doing some stretches before she began her sparring session with the air. Krillen felt his breath catch in his throat, 18 was dressed in a pair of white sweat pants and a black tank top. She had her hair pulled back into a ponytail to keep it out of her beautiful blue eyes.

Taking a deep breath, he put on his brightest face and headed for the porch.

"Hey 18. Have a good day?" he asked as he climbed the 3 small steps.

"It was…" she paused for the right words "enlightening". She added a small smile as an attempt to make Krillen feel better, it was so clear to her now just how bad he was feeling. Her eyes had been opened today.

Enlightening, what the hell was that supposed to mean. Oh well, he wasn't even going to think about it. Flashing her a big grin, he headed inside for a long hot shower.

***

18 could hear the shower running in the small bathroom that adjoined Krillen's bedroom. She floated in front of the open window and peered straight into his spotless bedroom. Her eyes searched franticly for any sign or indication that she had been in there earlier that day, but she couldn't find a thing. Next she wondered if she would have time to go in there and rip out her little entry in Krillen's journal. She knew he would be mad when he saw it, and she didn't want to see Krillen mad. She had him up on a pedestal over everyone else and the thought of having her perfect image of him crushed scared her. 

She didn't notice the shower had stopped, or that Krillen had come out the bathroom.

"Uh 18, what you doing there?" he asked, blushing profusely. 18 double blinked and looked at Krillen, then she quickly averted her eyes, a blush tinting her cheeks as well. Krillen was only wearing a towel around his lower half, and though 18 had only seen him for a split second, she had noticed just how well built he was, with his rock hard abs and muscly arms. 18 didn't understand why the women weren't hanging off him.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm here. I'll go" said 18 and she quickly disappeared.

Shaking his head, Krillen shut the window and turned to find some clothes. He pulled on some baggy grey sweat pants then headed for this bedside table, to fetch his journal. But when he opened it, he found a rather shocking surprise.

18 sat on the roof above Krillens room. 'Ok 18, just act natural, he might not even get angry. I mean, it's Krillen we're talking about here, he doesn't get mad at you... not at you'. 18 stood up on the roof and looked out at the sea, it was dark now and the only way to differentiate the sky from the water was by the faint colour change and the lights of the ships far out at sea. She didn't believe her sub-conscious, what did it know, but then again, it was her, maybe she was right. Looking down at her hands she realised she was shaking.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" she asked herself quietly "I am not supposed to be feeling like this, I must be malfunctioning, I have to be. You can't do this to me Krillen, I'm not human, I'm not meant to be feeling so confused and scared and I'm just not ment to feel like this. You can't do this to me Krillen. You can't. I won't let you" She paused for a few seconds to calm down, but I didn't work, because all of a sudden her energy exploded around her and she screamed out at the top of her lungs "You can't do this to me!"

Krillen slammed the journal shut and hurled it at the wall, leaving a nice dent in it.

"Keep it down in there" came the annoying old voice of Master Roshi. 

Krillen was fuming, never in all of his years had he been so mad, he hadn't even imagined it possible. 

How dare she, what right did she have to go into his room, read his journal then have the nerve to tell him what to think. She had crossed the line this time, he was not going to put up with it anymore!

Pulling open the window, he climbed out, he could hear 18 screaming about something. He didn't care. He jumped on the roof, a look of fierce determination in his eyes, and he stomped right towards 18.

18 paused, her energy disappeared around her. She watched Krillen advance on her and without realising it she took a few steps backwards, she was forced into the air to avoid falling off the roof.

"Stop running away god dammit" he snarled. 18 gasped, never had she heard him use such a harsh tone, it shocked her. He didn't even sound like Krillen.

Then something inside her snapped. She was 18, and she had no reason what so ever to be scared of Krillen, she was stronger than he was, and she was much more vicious. If he wanted an argument, well that was exactly what he was going to get.

"What is it Krillen, what do you want?" snapped 18, now that she had found her courage, she was un-stoppable.

"I want to know what gives you the right to go through my stuff like that. I can't believe you did that. I trusted you 18" he shot back, the venom in his voice was thick. It sounded like he absolutely detested her very being.

18 was quiet. She didn't know what to say she had really hurt Krillen. When she finally did open her mouth, the lamest excuse came out. "Well it was your fault for leaving it lying around!" Her response only added fuel to Krillens fire. He eyes grew wide in shock and his mouth hung open for a few seconds before he exploded again.

"Lying around! It was in a draw, in my room!" he argued, and with good reason, "You were snooping around in _my_ bedroom!"

Her breath came in short angry gasps. She had had enough, she didn't like Krillen when he was like this. "That's it" she threw her head back and yelled, then clasping her hands together, she swung them out wildly in front of her, collecting Krillen jaw on the way through.

The pure force of it knocked Krillen off his feet, but it didn't deter him, like 18 had planed. Instead, he attacked 18 with a barrage of punches and kicks, with a force and determination that 18 had never seen.

They were high in the sky, neither of them speaking, or even thinking. They were both fighting out of blind rage, and they were rarely hitting each other, just swinging wildly.

It was Krillen who came to his sense first, he suddenly slipped out of his stupid little anger fit and stopped dead in his tracks. Panting, he lowered himself to the sand below and watched as 18 did the same.

18 pushed her dampened hair out of her eyes and scowled at Krillen. Then without warning she lunged at him, pushing him down into the sand. "Believe it or not Krillen," she hissed "I was only trying to help".

Krillen snorted at sat up as best he could, which wasn't very much due to the fact 18 was sitting right on his midsection. "I don't care what you were trying to do," he snapped, then paused for a few second, "It was wrong of you 18" he spoke more quietly, and gently now, he sounded more like the Krillen 18 knew.

18 climbed off Krillen and sat down next to him. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes, but she was determined not to let them slip. She honestly hadn't ment to make Krillen this upset, in her own round about way, she really was trying to help him.

"Krillen," she spoke softly too now, "why did you write all those horrible things in your journal"

The nasty look returned to his face then. First she read his journal, and then she expected him to tell her why he wrote all those things. He rolled over in the sand so he was facing away from 18, "I write what I think in there. No one else was _supposed_ to read it"

18 flinched. "Well I'm sorry you think that way Krillen. I never realised you were such a morbid person. I guess I really am oblivious to you, I should have realised sooner. I'm sorry. I think it would be best if I left the island" 18 fought hard not to cry, she didn't want to leave, she liked the island, she liked the privacy, and most of all she liked being around Krillen, even if he didn't know it.

"Fine go. See if I care. Maybe I'll get my privacy back"

That hurt her, and she was thankful that Krillen was looking the other way, because he couldn't see the tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks. She stood up and headed for the pink house in the center of the island.

Krillen rolled over just in time to see her enter the house. "No, don't go," he whispered hoarsely "I love you".

***

18 grabbed a handful of tissues and dabbed at her eyes with them. She grabbed the few items of clothing she had and shoved them in a small bag. Then grabbing her shoes she yanked the door open and headed downstairs.

"Going on a trip eh?" came a crackly old voice from the sofa. 18 stopped dead in her tracks, it was the old man. "I'm leaving" she stated.

"You'll be back, no one can resist the charm of the island for long"

"I won't be back again old man," she headed for the door, then stopped, "Tell Krillen I'm sorry that this had to happen, would you?".

Roshi only nodded his head to show that he understood and 18 left the house. 

Only to nearly kill Krillen on the way down the steps. She didn't apologise for almost knocking him down, she just shoved right past him and headed for the sky. She was about three meters up when she heard a voice.

"18 stop, don't go!" it was the desperate plea of Krillen. She stoped and turned to face him.

"And give me one good reason why not?"

"Because I don't think I could live without you. You read my journal, you must know how much I love you"

18 double blinked, had he just said what she though he said? "What?" she asked softly as her feet touched the sand.

Krillen sat on the step and rested his head in his hands. "It's true, I can't stop thinking about you. I love you so much it hurts 18" he confess.

18 sunk to the ground in front of Krillen and looked up at him; his big black eyes were revealing he was telling nothing but the absolute truth.

"Then why did you write all those horrible things about me?" she asked

"I don't know, I really don't. But I do know that I don't want you to go. But if you really want to leave, I won't stop you"

"Krillen," 18 crawled up the steps and sat next to him, "I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you, forever"

"Forever?" asked Krillen.

18 nodded, she'd never spoken to anyone like this before, it was all so confusing to her, she was scared that every word that left her mouth would be the wrong one. She wasn't really the type to give pep talks. "Believe it or not, there is at least one person in this world who thinks you are very important and she would be very upset if you didn't love her, because she loves you very much". After that, she couldn't look him in the eyes, it was embarrassing and she was blushing.

It took a few seconds for Krillens brain to register what 18 had just told him, but when it did click, he sat up straight in shock

"What?" he asked

18 looked up at him and nodded, "It's true"

"18 don't say that to me to make me feel better. If you don't mean it then don't say it"

18 was slightly offended, but she didn't let it show, this was a big moment for her – for both of them, it would change their lives forever. "Krillen, I mean it. I've had these strange feelings for you for months now. I was just too afraid to tell you. And I'm sorry I read your journal, but I think it was good for me. It made realize just how insensitive I've been to you. I'm so sorry Krillen. Please, let me make it up to you" she begged.

"But how can I trust you again?" he asked, he was about to continue his sentence, when something stopped him, by the time he realised it was 18's soft lips pressed against his own, the kiss was over, "Now do you believe me?" she asked as she pulled away.

Krillen touched his lips, looked at 18 and smiled. He took 18's hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Thank-you, he said "thank-you for making everything better"

18 rested her head on Krillens shoulder and looked out at the dark night sky, which was littered with stars, a look of happy contempt on her face. This had been building up inside of her for a long time now, and to have finally let it out, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. Suddenly feeling game, she reached up and pecked him on the cheek, she saw the blush rise to his face and grinned, she would have to work on that. "I love you Krillen," she whispered lightly into his ear "you know that right? I'm gonna do my very best to make everything better for you"

Krillen looked out to the dark sea, then back at her. He smiled, and despite the face that he was shaking with shock, he placed his arm around her waist and planted a kiss on top of her head. "You don't have to try, just having you in my life is all I need to make it better. I love you 18, so much, you have no idea how long I've wanted to say that for".

"It can't be for as long as I've wanted to. But it doesn't mater now, we've got the rest of our lives to make up for it".

***

A/N; Well what did you think, please tell me in a review; Good, bad or otherwise all comments are welcome. And check out my other fic, 'And Then You'll Know'. It's a very different type of A/U set on planter Vegeta, It's not like anything else. ~D.B


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